(Not the confession:) I suck at these tumblr challenges.
I am completely terrified I’m not cut out to be a part of the real world. I can’t get up early, and I can’t have a job that I hate in the least, and I’m scared that I’ll never complete the education that I want in order to get the career I want, or I’ll complete the education and just never get the job. What if I’m not good enough to get into grad school? What if grad school can see right through my grades and extracurriculars and see that I don’t actually have any idea what I’m talking about. I don’t think I can go through another set of rejection letters. I try and tell myself that everyone worries about this and in the end it turns out fine, but I’ve been in a soul sucking summer job for 5 years now and they’ll probably offer me a full-time position after I graduate and I don’t want to say no to the money but I don’t think I’m ready to give up on school yet. I honestly want to stay a college student forever.
What is your favourite innanimate object in the whole world?
I’ve been looking at this question for the last couple days trying to figure out a good answer and I’m not sure I’ve found one. I guess I really like my bed, so much so that I brought it back from Richmond with me and switched out my old bed for this one. It makes me feel safe with all my stuffed animal friends and huge comforter and gazillions of pillows. Though it makes me miss Richmond and sleepovers and everything from this past year.
Showing interest in my life, or trying to spark conversation by asking about my day
Being able to be at the same fit to lazy ratio as me. I don’t like it when you’re super fit and crazy healthy, it makes me feel fat. But if you just sit around all day and don’t care about your health, that’s not cute either.
5 people who mean a lot to you (in no specific order)
I love errybody. I’m going to use 5 people that I didn’t use in “things you want to say to different people”.
Julia- I love that we can go to school 45 minutes apart and never manage to see each other, or even talk, but as soon as we do, it’s like no time has passed. I know you’ll always be completely honest with me when I need to hear it, and will watch countless hours of Grey’s and the O.C. when I don’t.
Twinz- I’m not lumping you two together because you’re the same (because you’re not) I’d count you individually, but I’d hit 6 and I need to keep it to 5. I actually think about how lucky I am that I have two littles like you two. You compliment each other so well, and together you can do anything. Sarah, you’re so funny and you can always make me laugh and Jessica, you always know when a hug can make me feel better. I’m sorry, I know I haven’t been around much this past semester and I’m going to try to “be around” (from across the ocean) more next semester. Get ready for the skype calls, emails, packages galore. I wouldn’t want you both to forget about me while I’m overseas :)
Emily- I consider you one of my littles. I’m not sure if that’s PC to say, but too bad, I said it. Your energy and motivation is so inspiring and I’d be happy just to be acquaintances with you, but I’m thrilled we’re sisters instead. I can’t wait to see what you do with your life, but I know you’ll be amazing at it. Just know that in a different sort of way (because you’re younger) I look up to you and admire all you do. Now please refer to the last two sentences of the “Twinz” post. It applies to you as well.
David- You always know how to make me feel special even though I’m not actually anything special to you. I was so lucky to have met you through Jake and even luckier that you didn’t decide to bail on our friendship when our relationship ended. One of my favorite things to do is see you at the pool or sit with you on the couch and just talk or sleep, because with you it’s never awkward, and you’re always looking out for my best interests.
Jake- There isn’t much to say, because I know we both know what this friendship means to me. I guess I could apologize for making all your more recent girlfriends jealous and yelling at you all those times I yelled. It’s not intentional, I just want you to have exactly what you deserve, and I’m super controlling, duh. I guess I should also apologize for all the times I acted like your mother, and I’ll apologize now for all the times it continues. You’re really talented, and I hope you keep doing what you love, because I know that’s all you’re motivated to do.
Preface: Not to sound pretentious, but I don’t really “do” regrets. I may not be happy with decisions that I’ve made in the past, but I don’t see any of them as being catalysts for change. I’m pretty sure my life would’ve ended up the same whether or not I made any of these decisions. That being said, these are kinda lame, and I was digging deep.
In tenth grade, at a sleepover, I wish I hadn’t drank so much (/any) sour apple schnapps. I had a hangover for two days and still can’t eat anything I ate in those two days.
I wish I wasn’t terrified of sharks. It gets held against me more than you’d think.
I wish I hadn’t skipped Mrs. Lamina’s eleventh grade English class to sit with Alison in her car because she was crying. The consequences weren’t worth it, and the friendship didn’t last.
I wish I never had to leave CO. It was so gorgeous.
I wish I never had to leave RVA. I’m so lonely at home :(
I wish I hadn’t taken so much Ibuprofen in high school for all the headaches (real and imaginary) . I probably ruined my stomach, and it takes like 6 or more for them to work now.
1. I can’t believe we’ve come this far, I guess I never thought we’d be this close for so long, though sometimes I’m worried we’re still friends because we’ve been friends and we’ve just been too afraid to grow apart even though we have so little in common and you’ve never trusted me fully.
2. I loved doing everything with you, and I feel like we had so much fun together. It kills me that you obviously didn’t feel the same way, and that I wasn’t worth fighting for. Please stop trying to worm your way back into my life, we’ll never be what we were, and that’s on you.
3. I’m sad that we don’t see each other as much but I know that if I needed anything, I can call you. I know that you haven’t forgotten me and I love when I see your name on my caller ID. You deserve everything you’ve worked for and I hope you know I still want to see you at my wedding.
4. I think you’re the only person I can call who will always have time for me and can listen to me bitch and moan without throwing it back in my face later. I’ve learned that that is a very valuable characteristic and I love you for it.
5. I don’t know if I would’ve made it through this year without you. Thanks for motivating me when I needed it and sitting with me when I just couldn’t go anymore. I’m sorry if I’ve jeopardized any of your other relationships, but I’m glad you thought I was worth it. You know I love you to pieces, and I’ll always stand by you.
6. What happened between us? We used to be so good together, and then you just freaked. I wish you felt like you trusted me enough to tell me what happened and I wish I didn’t have to hear it from everyone but you. I can relate more than you know.
7. I love you, I really do, but you’re so needy. I can’t be constantly on the phone, on skype, in contact with you. You have to trust me when I say we’re friends, and that’s not going to change because we didn’t talk this week.
8. I wish I had met you sooner. Your attitude is so refreshing, and you’ve faced so much adversity with such a smile. I can’t wait to see you again
9. I’m so sorry you’ve been so down. Simultaneously, I’m so happy you’ve found love or something like it, and that you’ve made it work from such a distance. Chin up buttercup, you’ll be just fine.
10. I want this so much and I’m terrified you don’t feel the same way and we’re just waiting for the inevitable end.
Maybe I was just raised differently but aren’t you supposed to introduce people who don’t know each other? I feel like I go above and beyond and almost out of my way and my efforts are being met with, well with nothing. No introductions, no above and beyonds. I know this isn’t the intention, but it makes me feel like I’m not important enough to be introduced. Or it makes me feel like no one is interested in meeting me in the first place. And here I am, going above and beyond.
I’m starting to realize that for every year I’ve been in college I’ve never lived in the same place for more than 6 months. This is the only time though, that I’m actually going to miss this place. I love my house so much, and while I know I’ll love Malaga, I just want everything to stay the same while I’m gone.
Maybe this is just an excuse so I don’t have to take the anteater off my door.
I’m starting to get really self-conscious, or self-absorbed, or both? I don’t know how you confuse the two but I have and it’s like I can’t have one without the other, not that I actually want to be plagued with either. I think I’m nervous about the weekend and therefore nervous about the week, and therefore nervous about the summer, but at the same time I want it to be the weekend so badly, and then I want it to be next week and then I want it to be summer.
SIMULTANEOUSLY, I’m trying to be decent. Which I think is actually working against me, or I’m just getting bitchier. I wish it wasn’t like this, but I just want to curl up in bed for as long as I want and get up when I’m good and ready, and not because someone needs me. I feel awful saying that and I hope no one misconstrues that to mean I don’t love them, but I just really need to love me.
SIMULTANEOUSLY, I never want to be alone. I’m starting to hate sleeping alone, and waking up alone, watching late night tv alone, studying alone, eating alone, so I’m just surrounding myself with people, which seems to be getting me in to trouble.
SIMULTANEOUSLY, I want to be at the gym all the time.
SIMULTANEOUSLY, I want to be drinking milkshakes all the time.